Did I mention that we will move in barely two weeks?! This is also why I share my thoughts a little less often with you at the moment.
Today I want to share some thoughts and feelings about this tough situation of moving with small children. But I think these ideas also fit to all situations, in which change happens in a family, like the soon birth of a new child, the start of a new job or any period in which your children react sensitive. Always be aware that children are our mirrors – Whenever you have problems with your little ones, ask yourself what problems YOU currently have in your life.
It is the second time that we move to another town since J was born. Last time he was five months old and we thought he wouldn’t realise much. How wrong we were… He might not have known that he would soon sleep in a different room, be carried through a different park, but he felt all the trouble around him. All his world falling into pieces and his parents racing through this world with barely time for him with all the packing and organising. This was also when he started crying and yelling through the night for almost 4 months. I didn’t know Emmi Pikler then, I hadn’t really developed an intuitive parenting feeling and I just tried everything to calm him.
This time mostly nothing is different. We are packing and organising, J is crying a lot and I feel again how scared he is that everything and everyone will leave him, especially me. I decided right at the beginning of all the preparations that I wanted everything different this time. So we decided to reorganise our priorities. We can’t avoid the moving part of the situation, we can just work with the HOW.
1. The Core Matters
When you move into another apartment or even to another town, a lot changes around you. But research has shown that the event of moving also counts to the major life events that shape your inner and thus psychological history. For children this is accompanied by feelings of excitement, but also of loss and desperation. Children, especially young ones, are barely familiar with consistency. They trust us blindly to lead them through the world and they need repetition to slowly learn to adapt to life. So we need to find consistency in the only thing that stays consistent when we move: our family core. Spend as much time together as a core as possible.
We do that in our weekly nature trips every Sunday. This day is always safe and it is always the same: We stay in bed to snuggle, we prepare a slow sunday breakfast like a smoothie bowl or an ayurvedic porridge. And then we prepare a big backpack full of nice snacks like egg sandwiches, potato salad, banana bread, or the like. Then we are off till sunset, exploring nature and hugging trees.Stabilising and empowering our core.
2. The JUST YOU NOW Moments
This is what Emmi Pikler taught us: Stay mindful or at least make these mindful moments part of your daily routine. Whenever you feel that your child starts being “difficult” (Children are never difficult, only situations are), hold on for a second and breathe 5 deep breaths. Did you spend at least 10 minutes of the last two hours as a whole ONLY with your child? If not, let everything be and sit down at your child’s height and just watch him. Ask yourself why he is just wonderful. And tell him. Stay.
3. Be open for PLAN B
I feel it is very difficult to leave for work at the moment, because J needs me so much. But some things just have to be done. Though not all. In these last weeks before moving I often ask myself, if certain things really need to be done or if I can just cancel them for some more family time. So go through your weekly calendar and strike out all things that are not absolutely necessary now.
4. The ME Minutes
Your children need you more now. Yes Yes Yes. But unfortunately there is not more YOU than before. And the balancing act between moving, working and satisfying your child’s needs will absorb you at some point. So ask for help where you can. Ask your parents, neighbours, friends and whomever you like, love and trust with your little ones to help you. Maybe they can help you clean, pack and unpack or they might just watch your children. Even 30 minutes, in which someone cares for your little ones are a relief where you can take a relaxing pine bath, have a yin yoga session or just lay down in your bed and watch the ceiling.
Change is a constant part of our life circle. We will always be touched by it from in and outside. No matter if we try to ignore or deny it. No matter if we try to race through difficult periods. If we consciously perceive and embrace change, then we have a chance to deal with it and to adapt slowly. That doesn’t mean there won’t be pain. But this way there will be time for the pain. Time to feel it and time to heal.
I am very curious how you deal with change in your lives?! Tell my in the comments 🙂